So me and The Alamo were out wadin' through the banks of the Amazon today when we saw this great big Anaconda sunning itself up on the beach. The sheila had to be *at least* thirty feet long. I was just completely blown away, so I just stood there watchin' her (who I named Cindy by the way). The Alamo suggested we try and catch her, but after a hard day of python wranglin' I just wasn't up for it. There was no way I could ever measure up in strength to such a majestic beauty, anyway. So I put on my dive gear so I could get a better understanding of Cindy's habitat. The Alamo seemed like he was a little nervous, so he chucked a u'ey and went back to shore. Then, all of the sudden, this crazed man came out of the jungle and started pokin' Cindy with a stick! Would you believe that? He claimed he was from Green Peace or Peta or one of those crazy organizations. He was yellin' about the snake had succumbed to rising temperatres or something like that. Anyway, the Alamo's all like "Rack off! Get lost!" but the bloke just wouldn't move., he just kneeled down and kept on pokin...crikey it was unbelievable. So I figured I go back and give him a bit a' Acks-style education, but as I started swimmin, this big ol' croc comes up and bites on my leg! Just my luck, as the croc dragged me under, Cindy woke up and lunged for the bloke with the stick! Now I'm flat out like a lizard drinkin' fightin' this big ol' croc, so I wasn't of much use. So it was up to the Alamo to save this guy. He jumped up on Cindy's head to try and steer her off, but it was useless. Cindy had both of 'em wrapped faster than a brumby crossin' the outback. Then my other bloke, Don't Muck With it comes lobbin' in to save the day. He grabbed Cindy's tail (that's the right thing to do if you ever get constricted by a giant snake, just so you know) and she let go, just as she was about to gulp down the Green Peace fella. Then she just coiled up and went back to sunning herself like nothing ever happened. Anyway, I was still out in the river wranglin' this magnificent crocodile who just didn't want to give up, so now that he was free, The Alamo untied our boat and motored out into the river to throw me a rope. I grab the croc by the snout and roped his jaws shut, then, with the help of my two blokes, we hauled him up onto the boat. Since he was just so cute, I figured we had to take him back to Acks Zoo in Queensland. Back on shore, the Green Peace fella said after such an experience, he wanted to change his ways, so I offerred him a job as an entry level trainer at Acks Zoo. He won't be workin' with the big stars yet, like my trained Wallaby Bimby, but he'll get a good Acks education. As for the croc, he's real good. Don't Muck with it's gonna fly back with him to Queensland tonight, while the Alamo and I look for an elusive Jaguar that's been goin' after the local population. Make sure you come back here to read my report tomorrow...it promises to be a keeper. What an adventure!!
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