The Bloody D.O.W.A.T.

• Horror movies
• Children of the Corn is a horrible movie
• I love All Hallows Eve

The Acks Rover in the Outback

This is how we get around out here

Bimby rescue operation update...

Crikey, Bimby can go! We've been at for ten days tryin to catch her. We chased her all the way down to Perth, believe it or not, snappin' pictures of her all the way there. She's such a beautiful animal. Anyway, I was able to bag her at playground. Just in the nick of time too, if I wasn't there she might of ended up havin' a feed on one of the local anklebiters runnin' around. The Alamo kept insisting we use the rhino tranqs, but I don't believe in usin' stuff like that. I might of gotten myself into a bit of a dust up, but Bimby's good, real good. She's actually sleepin' in the back of the Acks rover as we take her back to the zoo.

D.O.W.A.T.

I've decided to hold DOWAT as often as I want now, condsidering I am a man of many thoughts. So here is the second installment.

• Tom Cruise
• Al Gore is a fatty
• Little girls bother me
• I like phone booths
• I want to go on an expedition
• I want a vacation
• I need a new flat
• I need a new telephone
• I need to go to sleep

Now bugger off

Danger...danger...danger

Crikey, what a day! I'm actually on a plane right now flying back to Sydney. I was suppose to be takin' care of a problem jaguar today, but my good mate Charlie, or as you all know him "Don't muck with it", informed me that Bimbi escaped from her cage. She's such a dangerous breed, its a miracle know one's been hurt. Apparently, Don't muck with it released the crocodile we caught yesterday into a lagoon, and Bimbi, who is in the enclosure next door, felt threatened, so when an Acks Zoo employee opened her cage, she made a run for it...she's a cute little shiela, but if she gets out in the open, she can make cheetah speed. ya see, Bimbi is a rare spotted mountain wallaby. They're native to Indochina, and pose a significant threat to the local population. The Australian government is urging me to come back home to deal with this situation, so I'm going to have to say good by to the gorgeous Orinoco River Valley for now. I'll be meetin' with Prime Minister Howard when I land so we can figure out what to do next.

Big Cat diaries...Matt Acks style!

I'll be lookin' for this little fella tomorrow

Matt reports live from the Orinoco River Valley!

So me and The Alamo were out wadin' through the banks of the Amazon today when we saw this great big Anaconda sunning itself up on the beach. The sheila had to be *at least* thirty feet long. I was just completely blown away, so I just stood there watchin' her (who I named Cindy by the way). The Alamo suggested we try and catch her, but after a hard day of python wranglin' I just wasn't up for it. There was no way I could ever measure up in strength to such a majestic beauty, anyway. So I put on my dive gear so I could get a better understanding of Cindy's habitat. The Alamo seemed like he was a little nervous, so he chucked a u'ey and went back to shore. Then, all of the sudden, this crazed man came out of the jungle and started pokin' Cindy with a stick! Would you believe that? He claimed he was from Green Peace or Peta or one of those crazy organizations. He was yellin' about the snake had succumbed to rising temperatres or something like that. Anyway, the Alamo's all like "Rack off! Get lost!" but the bloke just wouldn't move., he just kneeled down and kept on pokin...crikey it was unbelievable. So I figured I go back and give him a bit a' Acks-style education, but as I started swimmin, this big ol' croc comes up and bites on my leg! Just my luck, as the croc dragged me under, Cindy woke up and lunged for the bloke with the stick! Now I'm flat out like a lizard drinkin' fightin' this big ol' croc, so I wasn't of much use. So it was up to the Alamo to save this guy. He jumped up on Cindy's head to try and steer her off, but it was useless. Cindy had both of 'em wrapped faster than a brumby crossin' the outback. Then my other bloke, Don't Muck With it comes lobbin' in to save the day. He grabbed Cindy's tail (that's the right thing to do if you ever get constricted by a giant snake, just so you know) and she let go, just as she was about to gulp down the Green Peace fella. Then she just coiled up and went back to sunning herself like nothing ever happened. Anyway, I was still out in the river wranglin' this magnificent crocodile who just didn't want to give up, so now that he was free, The Alamo untied our boat and motored out into the river to throw me a rope. I grab the croc by the snout and roped his jaws shut, then, with the help of my two blokes, we hauled him up onto the boat. Since he was just so cute, I figured we had to take him back to Acks Zoo in Queensland. Back on shore, the Green Peace fella said after such an experience, he wanted to change his ways, so I offerred him a job as an entry level trainer at Acks Zoo. He won't be workin' with the big stars yet, like my trained Wallaby Bimby, but he'll get a good Acks education. As for the croc, he's real good. Don't Muck with it's gonna fly back with him to Queensland tonight, while the Alamo and I look for an elusive Jaguar that's been goin' after the local population. Make sure you come back here to read my report tomorrow...it promises to be a keeper. What an adventure!!

I was divin' off the Great Barrier Reef today and this bloke came up and nibbled on my SCUBA fins, Crikey the little fella did some damage. No worries though because he's such a magnificent animal. I was swimmin' with my good friend Joe "The Alamo" Sanchez and together we were able to get a close up view. The bloke swimming beside me to my left is my other buddy, Charlie "Don't muck with it" Dierks. My cameraman, a good mate a' mine named Roy Jenkins, snapped a picture of this beautiful animal.

Dose of Weekly Archie Thoughts

Well, here's me weekly thoughts. It's called Dose of Weekly Archie Thoughts, D.O.W.A.T. for short. It'll be a bulletined list of my opinions of things pertaining to the week that was, sometimes...Other times I might just pull some stuff out of me ass but who really cares...............Right-O then, here we go.

• Britney Spears should be boiled in a vat of her own urine
• Sheep are incredibly unique and cute animals
• I have no Idea who Stone Phillips is
• I do not care who Stone Phillips is
• Abigail is an ugly name
• I sometimes wish I knew witchcraft
• Women are basically useless
• Basically but not un-basically, of course
• I have no idea what I just said
• Dateline NBC is strange in more ways than you think
• People who don't like themselves should either change, or commit suicide
• One or the other, doesn't really matter
• I like dogs
• Fall is upon us
• I like saying Autumn, rather than Fall
• I don't generally often use grammar

Now bugger off

The Majestic Sheep

What an incredible animal.

Me Business Card

To start right quick, here's me business card if you're interested.

Australia has so much to offer!

This morning I was out crocodile catching and I just thought about how beautiful Australia is.

Ain't she a keeper!

This is Bimby, my three month old Wallaby shiela. Isn't she cute?